New Year, Same Me

Happy New Year to one and all. Every year I cringe to myself when the ‘new year, new me’ posts start flooding in all through most social media outlets. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all up for people wanting to better themselves, improving their eating and exercise habits and so on, but let’s be honest, most of these inspirational new year resolution posts, are bullshit. Their author’s usually some Instagram celebrity, promoting a fake perfect life for likes, editing their pictures to an inch of reality, whose only real resolution, isn’t to improve their lifestyle or better themselves, but to get the perfect snap of every meal, worthy of sharing with the world. As if it gives a shit.

I do have some resolutions, if you like, of my own this year. Normally I don’t bother, I know myself well enough to know that I will probably just procrastinate the year away anyway, but this year I thought I would give it a go. The only difference is, I haven’t shared them with the wide web. As I get older (fast approaching my 28th birthday) I’ve been contemplating on my life, asking myself if I am where I thought I would be ten years ago. The answer is no, not even close. But, ten years ago I did not plan for the amount of obstacles that the universe has ever so kindly thrown at me, so it’s okay that I’m not where I envisioned myself to be ten years ago, because I’m here.

This holiday season has been a weird one for me, I was home for Christmas this year, which after missing it while living away last year, was nice. Surrounded by family and friends but yet so consumed by this enormous spell of loneliness, I became internally alarmed. Why do I feel so alone when I’m surrounded by people who love me? How can I possibly feel alone in a room full of people? How can I be sad amidst all this love and happiness? I don’t have the answers to any of those questions but I finally decided to seek help to try to find them. I’m going to therapy! I’m not crazy, but I have been battling depression and anxiety by myself for too long, and it’s finally time to let someone help me.

So, it is a new year but it’s still the same me, only better. Hopefully.

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